One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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