We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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