I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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