He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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