The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
