I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't put those talents on a resume
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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