i wish peter jackson would direct porn
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
