So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
