$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
