You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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