Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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