i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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