What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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