Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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