I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
