Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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