Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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