I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
