Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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