it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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