I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
