Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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