It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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