Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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