I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
