Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
