this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
