Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were trust falling into bushes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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