and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
