He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
