he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
