when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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