its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize