if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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