i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
