drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
