I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
