i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
