just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
