I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
