my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
