the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
