she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
