woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
