So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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