The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
