I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
