Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize