my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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