im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
