just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
