the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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