as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
