We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
