hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She even gives head with a lisp.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
