We just shotgunned beers for America
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
