I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
