i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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