god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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