Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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