we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
