Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
